Hollywood Hot Yogini

You may remember a little experiment from a few months back called Hollywood Cat Lady. Do you? Probably not. Well, that's okay 'cause that died. I mean, it was bound to. It didn't have a particularly narrow focus, and you know me, I'm flighty.

But I still love the whole Tumblr thing, and you know I love me a good gif, and I was re-inspired a few weeks ago to try again.

Got me a more narrow focus now, and I'm amusing myself.

I present to you...

Hollywood Hot Yogini

When I try a headstand

When my cat decides to lay on my sweaty yoga towel

When I watch someone move with ease into a pose I can't do

When there are already yogis on my usual side of the room and I have to put my mat on the other side

"She is like a cat in the dark..."

On Saturday night, I will be seeing this, live.

They may look a little older, but they will no doubt be JUST AS AMAZING.

Ultra Fat

I knew it would happen eventually.

I mean, I hoped it wouldn't. I thought, maybe, it might not. But I knew deep down it would. I would get a Fat Message. Because despite my weight loss, despite the compliments poured on me like sugar from my friends and family, I know I'm not thin or fit yet, and the pictures I've put up on OkCupid reflect that.

A message I got today read as follows:

"Y do u look ultra fat in one picture and skinny in the rest?"

Gah.

Stupid fucking assholes on dating sites, sending mean messages just for the hell of it.

I would really try hard to just write it off, if I didn't know the exact picture he was talking about, which is this one that I put up yesterday after my adventure. 

I debated putting it up. I thought about putting up the other one, which is more flattering, but this one is just a better picture over all. And whatever, horizontal stripes are just tricky, and I decided what the hell, fuck it. I like that pic, I'll use it. 

And then this fucking troll, with no pictures and a profile with one sentence about sex. A profile that was then deleted within a half an hour. TROLL. TROLL GETTING INSIDE MY HEAD. 

So I cropped the picture. I caved to the troll.

I know I look fine in that picture, I do, but it made me feel better to clear my head of the message and my own, pre-determined insecurities.

Fucking troll.

Juicy Juice

I have just not been very chatty the last few days.

I don't know why. I guess I just don't feel like saying the same old shet.

Wahhh I can't stop eating carbs, I want my raise, I miss my mommy. Wahhh it's hot. Wahhh wahhh wahhhhhhhh I'm self-sabotaging.

No one wants to hear that, do they? NO.

So what else am I supposed to say, then? I can't seem to make anything up, I've tried. I've sat in front of this blinking blank screen for a good portion of time the last couple of days, and no words have come to mind or finger.

So tonight, I am drinking wine.

Let's see if we can get some creative juices flowing.

Ink Fever

I may or may not have caught the Tattoo Bug.

It's a sickness, truly.

I WANT ALL THE INK.

Links For A Titillating Tuesday

6 Rules for Turning 25

Thought Catalog seems to be catering to my demographic recently.

"2. Make sure that you understand that love cannot be willed into existence."

29 Reasons Why You Are Liz Lemon

And Buzzfeed always knows my life.


8. Your relationship with the word “lovers” is semi-unconventional

Absolute Worst Pictures of Men and Cats

This was my Facebook profile picture a few years ago. I feel it represents me well.

Not just a girl...

Aww. This woman photographed her daughter as some of history's most amazing women. (Coco Chanel's Nazi affiliations not withstanding.) Beautiful.

This Crazy Cat Bikini Is Amazing

I MUST HAVE THIS. There's a pussy on your pussy!

And Buzzfeed brings us a moment of joy out of the terrors in Oklahoma.

A BOOK

The Big Yellow Joint

My coworker sent out an office wide email this afternoon just a bit before 4:20 asking if anyone would like to accompany her to Bluth's Frozen Banana stand, which was in Culver City to promote this weekend's premiere of Season Four of "Arrested Development".

Obviously, she could have just sent that email straight to me.

The two of us fought early evening traffic and made a beeline for the banana, where a crowd of probably 250+ waited in line for a free frozen treats. Clearly, we were not the only people hoping to get a free banana that won't make you sick and kill you.

We waited in line for probably an hour and a half, I'm not really sure. I honestly don't care, it was a gorgeous day, we made friends with the adorable little boy and his mom in front of us, and we met a Mr. Manager after he got his banana. 

Then it was finally our turn, and it was well worth the wait. Delicious, tasty delights! Picture with the big yellow joint!

 Best. Day. Ever.

Pizza Pitfalls

Just when you think you've got your shit locked down, you have a plan, you have momentum, YOU WILL SUCCEED THIS WEEK...plans change, and you're faced with three days of ordering lunch for the office, and you're shoving pizza in your face on a Monday morn.

But you know what? I tracked it! I tracked the damn pizza.

Now I just have to try not to keep eating.

Mmmmmmhmm.

Monday Moping

Monday, why do you persist in coming so regularly? Can't you just, for once, NOT? CAN YOU JUST NOT?

I should probably work on not letting the day of the week dictate my mood so much, as my friend mentioned this morning.

BUT GODDAMN YOU MONDAY.

Damn. You.

From Wildfox